Saturday, March 27, 2010

Writer's Conference!?

A last minute decision was made late yesterday afternoon, to accompany Basil to his conference in Allentown, PA.

Hubby's nerves were rattled, he was anxious. Just to give you an idea of how nervous he was...he left his wallet AND his overnight bag at home. He had to wear his sneakers with his "business casual" attire all weekend. My poor guy needed all the moral support and cheerleading a wife could give.

Luckily Mom was able to come and stay with the kids on short notice. Luckier yet, they behaved for her (with the promise of a trip to McDonalds, Rita's, etc.) and there were no frantic phone calls placed. YAY!

Met some really great people in the business of writing, representing and publishing. Here I thought I would be the behind-the-scenes-support, but ended up meeting these really great, extremely funny and talented folks.

I even was able to attend a few of the sessions which were absolutely fabulous. I attended one, with the intentions of simply taking notes for Basil, as he was given an appointment during said class, with a literary agent to pitch his proposal, his material. The session was with a published author speaking on the topic of finishing your novel, and cutting all the crappy excuses, fears and BS out.

I find myself so preoccupied with thoughts and memories, and emotional clutter, that I am often caught muttering to myself in the shower (Mom, did you say something?)
Perseverative thoughts bombard me even in the bathroom. If I can get that side tracked in the shower, I am a goner at the keyboard with the seductive pull of things like facebook or farmville at mere keystokes away from being comfortably numb from actual deadlines do lists.

It is so rare that I am thankful to a complete stranger for calling me out on my crap and setting me on the straight and narrow. It is even more rare that I am open to taking it.

So much of her advice on getting into routine, habit, speed, COMMITMENT, and working on projects everyday, without excuses, spill over into all facets of life. I find myself putting off paperwork, projects, homework because I simply don't know what to do, OR am too overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of the amount of things that need to be done, that the draw of feeding the chickens on farmville is preferable. Who can remember looming deadlines when feeding delightful animated chickies?

I get burned out from all of the physical therapy, Kelsey therapy, Serena therapy, family therapy, my homework, the kids homework, the housework, the gardening, the paperwork, that I lose me in there somewhere. Passion is extinguished by the doldrums the neverending, well, never...ENDING.
I am T-I-R-E-D....exhausted all the time. Even with the therapists that come to help with our kids, having the never ending parade of specialists coming in and out of the house is tedious.

So what if I decide that I will write, even if I am burned out?
What if I make a commitment to write everyday, even if I never make it out of my nightgown that particular day?
Will this energize me...start making me feel like me again?
If I can make writing a routine, I can expand on this, into other areas of my life.

Is it possible that I could become a self disciplined person?

We'll see.